The killing, the crisis, the military, the unrest in Jos, the destruction of my church, the 7PM-6AM curfew, the armed robbery, the threat of being killed, the police and military checkpoints, evacuation, sicknesses, the holidays away from home and the daily pressures of trying to minister cross culturally have brought me to a point in which the honeymoon is over.
Nigeria is a wonderful place and full of kind and loving people. It seems like everyone wants to spend time with the white man and talk about the day’s events. The Nigerians are dear to my heart, these children, even more so. This has been my home for the last 7 months and will remain that way until June 2010 if the Lord permits. I’ve come to love this place and appreciate everything about it. Sure, there are things that are difficult; being away from family and familiar things while adjusting to life in Africa has been hard. There is the constant threat of disease, sickness, malaria and motor vehicle accidents. There are demands of the ministry, demands at home for a bachelor to survive and demands in the local church. There is the constant pressure of being equivalent to a celebrity simply because my skin is white and the constant pressure to make everyone happy. There are times when you want to just “go hide thyself” (as God told Elijah--- 1 Kings 17:3) and escape all of the demands and anxiety that comes with being a missionary. There are times when you want to be back home, sitting by a fire with a box of pretzels and a cold crème soda with no one to bother you and nothing to do but meditate upon the Lord. There are those days in which I look up and see an airplane and think “those are my people” and other times when I watch the sun set and think what my mother is doing right now, my professor from Bible college and of course, my siblings. Sometimes I think “right now my dad is brewing a pot of coffee and probably outside loading ladders onto his van”. There are those times and then there are these…
…no matter how difficult things get, the problems are always alleviated when I see our kids in the ministry. There is something about them, something about children that fascinates me. Maybe it is there carefree spirit or there simple faith. Maybe it is there innocence and the thought of how they got here. I’m not sure exactly what it is but, whatever it is, they make my time here worthwhile. I love to spend time with the kids, we trek, we swim, we play and we read together. I always have one of these little ones come to greet me in my room in one of the care centers. They are always at my door, always at my side, always reaching for my hand. The pressures, anxieties and demands all seem to float off into space and I find myself to be perfectly content. Sure, they are not my own, but they may as well be. There is still that longing in my heart to have my own children and to not have to say goodbye to them. There are times when I read through the scriptures and find this character that no one ever mentions and I immediately write his or her name in the back of my Bible. Why? Because I just may name my son or daughter that one day. The kids here are wonderful and I wish you all could meet these precious little children.
The honeymoon is over in one sense but a new and exciting season always seems to replace the previous one. This is Nigeria, a land of adventure and my home for at least two years.
I could use you prayers, I could use them a lot.
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4 comments:
Thanks for sharing honestly where your coming from. I will pray for you- a verse that came to mind to pray for you is- Ps 3:3 " But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head."
I am asking God to be the lifter of your head- day by day- and that He would show you in a special way each morning- how His mercies are new- in this tough time.
To God be the glory- who loves Nigeria and loves you too
Karis Busenitz
May the joy of the Lord be your strength, Neh 8:10. We are praying for you,
Jacob and Melissa Honebein
awesome pictures!! Great Blogs!! Missing you and Nigeria! Greet Everyone for me!
Oh boy, what real solid truth that is being expressed from your heart. as much as you are wondering what your siblings are doing currently, we are wondering and imagining what you are doing over there. there are times when i am here in these comfy, luxorious States where I long so badly for simplicity. I hate that inevitably the constant push, peer pressure, stress, and persuasion to push on, look forward to your future and how you are going to make your earthly security (money) happen is smack in my face. i hate that overtime I diagnose how I have been a light to people, and how I have not focused on myself, and the times are few. It's sad that when we don't wake up to a ministry every morning smack in your face, it becomes easier and you grow numb to thinking outside my selfish, conceited, prideful box, and the thought of doing something for someone is usually quickly justified by more reasons why not to do ministry as opposed to act in ministry.
The point that i want to get across is you are envied. there are people that know they envy you, and people that are so numb to their own circumstances that really do envy you. remember that this place when you come back will get old in a day or two. your family is the same, just growing older. things may have changed, but there are still the same problems, same hurt, same frustration, same complacency, and longing to be in Africa when you come back.
That is why each and every day strapping on this mission that God has appointed to you is so very neccesary. Forgetting what is in the past and straining towards the future. Having your confidence in Christ. Boast in your weaknesses, love love love. Paul says generally in Corinthians to be truly spiritual, make love your aim. And if I know you Joseph, your life mimics love. Your spiritually even if you feel good or feel bad do not rest on your emotions. They rest on who you are and how you are living out the commands of Christ. Over and over I am so thankful to have such a wonderful example as someone that is truly walking out what so many people talk out. Remember that little poster you had beside your bed at the farmhouse when you, Ricky, stephen, and me shared the room together that read "You can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?" I remember thinking so highly of you then as a little brother and that has not lessened over the years. It only seems to grow bigger and warmer.
Saying you're in my prayers is an obvious, saying I love you is obvious. But they are still true and you are thought of so very much always in our hearts.
Your brother,
Bryan.
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